Be Self Aware Blog

The Be Self Aware blog is where we share the many ways that being Self aware applies to every day life.

Please browse snippets of our blog posts below. Click on the title of the blog post to read the full post.

We'd love to hear your ideas! To suggest your own Be Self Aware blog stories and videos, please contact us.

August 22, 2013 - 5:06pm

This is how it is within our own inner systems. If we are motivated to honor another person’s best interests above our own, we will have parts in us that will be resentful and angry within us and we will hear from them down the road!
For example, we may have a part within us that ‘wants to please others’ so that we are liked and accepted in the moment. We may have this need to be liked and feel accepted because we have experienced the reverse of this before and at a time when it was a very painful and scary experience. A protective part within us, working for us with its best intentions, then decides it will do whatever it takes to please others and make them like and accept us so that earlier hurts and fears are not re-triggered. This tactic works for a time, but eventually we have other parts that become resentful and angry with us inside and our being ‘liked and accepted’ now feels conditional. A vicious circle!
It is not selfish to honor your own thoughts and...

August 22, 2013 - 4:52pm

When somebody criticizing or blames you for something, you can shrug it off or you can be curious as to what is going on in side them that they are behaving that way – but only if you don’t have the corresponding critic and blamer parts active inside yourself, agreeing with that other person.
Do you have tender parts in you that were at the receiving end of criticism and blame when growing up? Then you may have active protective parts inside you criticizing and blaming you so that you will change – and by changing yourself, they hope you will escape the criticism and blame of others in the future. Hard to think that your own inner critic or blamer can actually be working in your best interests!
Unfortunately they don’t succeed in their mission of keeping you safe no matter how hard they work for you in this way. They just become ‘the enemy within’ hurting those most tender parts of you all over again. That is why our response to others criticizing and blaming parts is...

October 31, 2012 - 10:59am

Exiles: Young, vulnerable parts that carry the burden of past experiences. In an effort to ‘move on’ from painful experiences, we exile the associated memories and emotions by burying them deep in our subconscious. Exiles are also created when we bury undesirable aspects of our personality that don’t appear to fit in with our surrounding social structure. Our Managers attempt to keep our Exiles buried by preventing us our Exiles from being triggered, while our Firefighters attempt to deflect attention from our Exiles when they are triggered.

Firefighters: Powerful protector parts that do whatever it takes to divert attention from feeling vulnerable when an Exile is triggered. Firefighters achieve this through learned behaviors and involuntary physical reactions. The list of possible firefighting tendencies is long and varies from person to person.           


October 29, 2012 - 5:35pm

I believe that who we are is directly related to how intense our parts become, and how we are nurtured in our first few years of life and in our subsequent relationships; with others and ourselves.

Unfortunately a lot of what I heard growing up was “you can't do that because you have artificial legs”.

Here’s an example of someone I think was supported and given positive feed back.

What I am trying to pass on through “BeSelfAware” is that we can change the negative thoughts that our young parts believe to be true. Ex: “I used to have young parts that truly believed that having artificial legs was shameful, I now know that was just in my own mind.” Changing how those young parts thought, allows me to now live life...

June 21, 2012 - 7:52pm

Internal Family Systems (IFS), the basis of Be Self Aware, is a rapidly growing method of understanding why we act and react to the world around us. Be Self Aware was designed to be an easy-to-understand guide to beginning to overcome negative feelings, make sense of self-harming thoughts and actions, and realize your true self. recently wrote an article about how and why IFS has been adopted by so many individuals from the scientific community. In the article, gives a great explanation of IFS and explains why the system’s analytical approach is ideal for computer programmers and other scientific minds.                  

You can read the full article, The Technique that Silicon Valley Geeks are Using to Hack the Voices Inside Their Heads, to learn...


Enter your Be Self Aware username.
Enter the password that accompanies your username.